Rise from the Ashes- Years of Healing

Just about 8 years ago, I received news that absolutely devastated me. It destroyed me. It knocked me down. It made me question so many things. It was hard when I experienced it, but I recognize now that it was even harder than I realized. I didn’t comprehend how much of an impact it had made on me and how much I was suffering until recently. Now, I understand that I have finally been healed and that I have finally been set free.

Around 8 years ago, I received the news that my mentor, my friend and my colleague was resigning from the position she had been in for over 20 years. I had spent my junior high and high school years working with her in our Children’s Ministry department at church. I had spent years going to camp with her. I had spent many days talking with her in her office. In a sense, my whole life revolved around the opportunity to work with her. I had attached my identity to the church and to what He was doing in my life. What was going to happen to that? What was going to happen to her and what was going to happen to the ministry that I helped to create?

I remember that day so specifically and with so much detail. I remember hearing the news and just not knowing what to think or say or do. I remember not being able to fully comprehend what was happening because I was sheltered (for good reason) from most of what had occurred. I was so young and in a sense so naïve, so naïve to heartbreak and so naïve to true hardships.  In a way, this was my first true sorrow. Nothing else in my life had even come close in comparison to what I was experiencing in that situation. I remember just weeping on my dorm room floor not knowing how to control my emotions. I remember my roommate coming in and just walking right back out. I don’t blame her for walking away; I didn’t know what to do with myself either.  

I was left with the biggest what if/what now realization. I remember how I had felt the call to be in ministry but had no idea how I was going to fulfill it. I remember wondering what I was going to do now and how to move forward. I find my identity in Christ and being in ministry, doing God’s work, interacting with God’s people, and helping to advance the Kingdom is where I had found that identity. That is where I felt God working. That is where I felt whole and complete. It caused me to question my identity. I began to doubt my every ounce of being and the plans that God had for me. It began a long and hard road to self-discovery. I hit rock bottom countless times and experienced numerous devastating situations over these last 8 years.

Little did I know that every single thing that had happened to me since that day would lead me to where I am at this exact instance. Every single hardship, every single good or bad thing led me to restoration and healing at the exact moment God planned it. I don’t think I would feel as blessed or as thankful right now if any of those moments did not happen. I am beyond thankful to finally feel free. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness to me and his guidance through my whole life. I am appreciative for his constant pull in my life to draw closer to him. I am relieved for the new people he had put in my life to help me stay on the right path and to help pick me up when I fell so hard. I finally feel like the chains have been broken and that I can fully live the life that God wants for me.

I never thought I would be able to find healing in the church again. I never thought that I would feel at home in a church again. I never thought that I would ever be able to fulfill my call to Children’s Ministry. Every day over the last 2 months I have felt extremely blessed by God that all of these things have happened to me. I have found healing through Christ and in a church where I feel like I can fulfill my call to advance God’s Kingdom. I have found a church that cares about its community of believers and the community outside the church. I have found a place where I feel welcomed and where I feel loved.

Are you in need of healing? Let me pray for you! My desire over the last couple of months has been for those people who are currently hurting so tremendously for them to find healing. I am constantly praying for God to heal them and for God to provide for them. I know that he can and he will. I also know that it may take time. It took me longer than I thought it would and it impacted me more than I had realized.  I can say with absolute certainty that every single one of those hard times got me to this point in my life. It has led me to the biggest testimony of my life. This is my story and God has extremely blessed it. God will use this and me to advance his Kingdom. I am a child of God, he has a plan for me and I am welcome here.