Passion, Joy, Purpose

(PASSION) I hope you have something that you are so passionate about that you just can't contain your excitement. Something that you just want to shout from the rooftops and never shut up about.

(JOY) I hope you experience so much Joy that you just can't stop smiling from ear to ear. I hope you feel so much joy that you just want to dance even if there isn't any music.

(PURPOSE) I hope that you can find something that gives you purpose and meaning. I hope that you can find something that makes you want to get up in the morning and start a new day.

Everyone deserves that. YOU DESERVE THAT! You are worthy of that.

Young Living, essential oils and their chemical free products are that for me. It provides me so much JOY to use these products and share with everyone who wants to listen. I have so much PASSION for this company, these people and these products. I feel like this opportunity has provided me with a PURPOSE by helping me to empower people to achieve health, wellness and empowerment. I have found PURPOSE in waking up everyday to empower myself to provide the best for my family through products, availability and time. I have been able to experience all this PASSION, JOY and PURPOSE because of Young Living and I am forever grateful.

I am not sure what my Destiny is, but I will keep doing what I am PASSIONATE about, what provides me with JOY and what gives me PURPOSE. I will FULFILL MY DESTINY because I am worthy of PASSION, JOY and PURPOSE. And so are YOU!

What are you PASSIONATE about? What brings you JOY? What gives you PURPOSE? I want to hear about it. I want to see you smiling from ear to ear. I want to see you happy. I want you to feel meaning in your life. If you can't figure out what that is, please do me a favor and FIND something. Think hard, try new things if you have to but do something that can bring you PASSION, JOY and PURPOSE. You deserve this!

If you need a place to start, I highly recommend reading The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I heard him speak last night and will be getting this book when I get home. Everyone needs this!

Driving on the Four Lane

Thoughts From the Open Road

Lately I have been driving with the radio off or taking long shifts on road trips. I have really come to appreciate the solitude and silence not to mention it gives me a feeling of accomplishment to drive long distances. I know that I am a person that likes to keep busy and go a million miles a minute but I am learning to slow down and clear my mind. Yesterday I drove quite a bit on our road trip and it was refreshing to be able to drive without panic, anxiety and without the feeling of wasting precious working time. I am thankful to have my love of driving back after years of fear. It was so great to actually feel like myself again.

About 6 years ago I had a very scary moment while driving where I passed out and woke up having stopped in the middle of the road. It was only by the Grace of God that I happened to be breaking when I passed out and that there were no other cars on the road. I still (to this day) can't believe how my God took care of me and that absolutely nothing bad happened. I wouldn't drive for months unless I absolutely had to and taking big trips gave me such big anxiety. I had to constantly talk myself down and tell myself that it was all in my head. That I was fine and that I wasn't going to pass out.

Its always amazing to me how we learn things. Like how one day it is easier for us and you can't pinpoint the exact moment that it just clicks. That is how it happened to me with driving. I couldn't recall the last time I drove where I felt anxiety, panic or fear of driving. It is so freeing and was so amazing to know that I couldn't remember the last time it happened.

Anxiety is something I think I will always struggle with. I try so hard not to but it always seems to rear its ugly head. The thing about anxiety is that it sweeps in when you least expect it. When things are going good and you can't possibly believe or think that something will go wrong and feel like you can't handle things. It also gives people the ability to label you. Every moment has the ability to become too much; therefore, people have their pre-notions about you. It will be brought up every time you have a weak moment. You can't escape it and you will always carry around that baggage no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. How can you push past that?Some days I would tell you that you can't but I know that is not true. I know you can by taking it one moment at a time; one day at a time.

When your whole world is crashing down on you, I love remembering moments like this where there is hope. Besides being exhausted, I was completely fine (on so many levels). Fine isn't a word that I thought I could ever use to describe driving again. There is hope when you feel like there can't ever be hope again. There is hope that things can change. There is a reason for trying again and to keep trying even if it is so hard and you feel like people have given you no hope. There is hope when all you do is cry all day, shut down and refuse to put yourself in a situation where you might get hurt, shot down or where you might hurt people.

I am so thankful that God had mercy on me in that moment. That he protected and cared for me. It may seem like a small thing but it means so much to me. I am so thankful that I didn't shut down for good and refuse to ever drive again. I am thankful that the open road doesn't scare me anymore and I am thankful for the many adventures I will want to take. I am thankful that there is hope, that God is hope and that he provides us with hope everyday.

Rise from the Ashes- Years of Healing

Just about 8 years ago, I received news that absolutely devastated me. It destroyed me. It knocked me down. It made me question so many things. It was hard when I experienced it, but I recognize now that it was even harder than I realized. I didn’t comprehend how much of an impact it had made on me and how much I was suffering until recently. Now, I understand that I have finally been healed and that I have finally been set free.

Around 8 years ago, I received the news that my mentor, my friend and my colleague was resigning from the position she had been in for over 20 years. I had spent my junior high and high school years working with her in our Children’s Ministry department at church. I had spent years going to camp with her. I had spent many days talking with her in her office. In a sense, my whole life revolved around the opportunity to work with her. I had attached my identity to the church and to what He was doing in my life. What was going to happen to that? What was going to happen to her and what was going to happen to the ministry that I helped to create?

I remember that day so specifically and with so much detail. I remember hearing the news and just not knowing what to think or say or do. I remember not being able to fully comprehend what was happening because I was sheltered (for good reason) from most of what had occurred. I was so young and in a sense so naïve, so naïve to heartbreak and so naïve to true hardships.  In a way, this was my first true sorrow. Nothing else in my life had even come close in comparison to what I was experiencing in that situation. I remember just weeping on my dorm room floor not knowing how to control my emotions. I remember my roommate coming in and just walking right back out. I don’t blame her for walking away; I didn’t know what to do with myself either.  

I was left with the biggest what if/what now realization. I remember how I had felt the call to be in ministry but had no idea how I was going to fulfill it. I remember wondering what I was going to do now and how to move forward. I find my identity in Christ and being in ministry, doing God’s work, interacting with God’s people, and helping to advance the Kingdom is where I had found that identity. That is where I felt God working. That is where I felt whole and complete. It caused me to question my identity. I began to doubt my every ounce of being and the plans that God had for me. It began a long and hard road to self-discovery. I hit rock bottom countless times and experienced numerous devastating situations over these last 8 years.

Little did I know that every single thing that had happened to me since that day would lead me to where I am at this exact instance. Every single hardship, every single good or bad thing led me to restoration and healing at the exact moment God planned it. I don’t think I would feel as blessed or as thankful right now if any of those moments did not happen. I am beyond thankful to finally feel free. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness to me and his guidance through my whole life. I am appreciative for his constant pull in my life to draw closer to him. I am relieved for the new people he had put in my life to help me stay on the right path and to help pick me up when I fell so hard. I finally feel like the chains have been broken and that I can fully live the life that God wants for me.

I never thought I would be able to find healing in the church again. I never thought that I would feel at home in a church again. I never thought that I would ever be able to fulfill my call to Children’s Ministry. Every day over the last 2 months I have felt extremely blessed by God that all of these things have happened to me. I have found healing through Christ and in a church where I feel like I can fulfill my call to advance God’s Kingdom. I have found a church that cares about its community of believers and the community outside the church. I have found a place where I feel welcomed and where I feel loved.

Are you in need of healing? Let me pray for you! My desire over the last couple of months has been for those people who are currently hurting so tremendously for them to find healing. I am constantly praying for God to heal them and for God to provide for them. I know that he can and he will. I also know that it may take time. It took me longer than I thought it would and it impacted me more than I had realized.  I can say with absolute certainty that every single one of those hard times got me to this point in my life. It has led me to the biggest testimony of my life. This is my story and God has extremely blessed it. God will use this and me to advance his Kingdom. I am a child of God, he has a plan for me and I am welcome here.  

Awakening

What's your cup of tea?

This weekend I remembered how much I love music and how much I need it in my life sometimes. When you have a 3 year old and only a 5 minute commute to work you don't get a lot of time to listen to what you want to listen to. Harper is at the stage where she picks things up very easily so listening to any non-child appropriate music is out of the question and with my short commute I am lucky if there is a song on during that time. Music has a way of speaking to me and I love how the music I pick follows the mood I am in. I like to say that my iPod is ADD because I have pretty much every genre imaginable on there. I like so many kinds of music but I probably gravitate toward Christian and Country the most. This weekend, the Passion 2010 CD "Awakening" was my jam.

I attended Passion 2010 right after one of the hardest times in my life. I felt like I pretty much hit rock bottom. Like hard. I really didn't know what to do with my life or which direction my life would head but I was determined to allow God to do whatever He needed to heal me during that trip. I did a lot of healing that weekend and I was so surprised and so thankful how renewed I felt after that experience. I like to listen to this CD when I know my life is about to be rocked. These songs give me so much strength because it reminds me of a time where I overcame so much in my life and when God did so much work in my life. I knew I was going to have a similar experience this past weekend.

This past weekend I attended a business retreat with about 450 of my fellow business partners (Lemon Droppers). I knew that my world was going to be rocked and that it was going to change my life. I was so stoked and so scared. I was ready to grow and be rocked but I wasn't ready to face some things I needed to face. At some point I will go in more depth about what I learned and how it changed my life but for right now I will stick with an overall view. I learned so much about myself personally. This retreat was way more about personal growth than about business and it was much needed. I am ready to grow as a person and pursue my dreams.

After the Passion 2010 conference I was renewed, I was pumped, I was ready to be myself. I was ready to be happy and I was ready to do great things. I was renewed in my faith and love for Christ. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops. Just like with Passion 2010, this retreat has sparked something in me. I am gaining my self-confidence back. I am gaining a desire to pursue my dreams. I am gaining the drive to achieve my dreams. The first thing I am going to do is shout what I do from the roof tops.

I am a Lemon Dropper. Selling Young Living Essential Oils is my BUSINESS, not a hobby. I love Young Living Essential Oils and what they have done for me and my family. 

So yes, I did listen to "Awakening" on the way home. Yes, I did jam out to it super loud! Yes, I am renewed. Yes, I am ready to see what God has in store for me. Yes, I am an entrepreneur. 

Go listen to this CD. It is amazing. It has all my favs on it. Chris Tomlin, The David Crowder Band, Kristian Stanfill and Hillsong: United.

Guilty

This pregnancy is so different from my last pregnancy in so many ways. I am dropping everything under the sun...like what is wrong with me that I can't hold onto anything! I know I am clumsy but I have reached all new levels. This baby hardly ever moves compared to the very active Harper in womb. I often wonder if the baby is ok or even in there. I pee a little every time I bend over, sit down, cough or sneeze. BOO!!! We haven't really discussed baby names yet. Like if I had this baby tomorrow it might not have a name for like a week. I have also been surprisingly less stressed. I was a basket case with Harper but I seem to be a little more put together this time which is greatly appreciated. It is amazing how much you don't do months in advance when it is your second child/pregnancy. With Harper I wanted to make sure I had everything we needed. This time I know that I have everything because I don't think we have gotten rid of anything. The problem is getting out what I need beforehand so that I don't stress myself out when the baby finally arrives. So if anyone has any suggestions or reminders...throw them at me!! Remember, I work best at lists so let me know what I need done so I can add it to my list =)

In so many ways this pregnancy is the same. I still have pregnancy brain. I am still craving and eating everything under the sun. I have unfortunately gained more weight than I wanted. I am the most pregnant during the hottest months of the year. I have become miserable in my last month because I am so big. My belly is so low that none of my shirts are long enough and I refuse to wear size large t-shirts because they are so big on top. I am also just as nervous about labor and delivery. With a month left, I am also ready to "get it over with" so to speak. I am anxious for my little bundle of joy and to begin the process of learning a new routine with a family of four. Let's get this show on the road.

As we are nearing the end with about a month to go, I realize that there is still so much that I haven't done. I am going to be posting my to-do list so that I know what I still need to do and so I know where to reference my list. I will be checking off or adding to it as needed so stay tuned!


Check List

Pack my hospital bag
Pack babies hospital bag
Put up pack in play
Deep Clean Master Bedroom
Get down car seat and stroller
Clean car seat and stroller
Install car sear into car
Discuss possible baby names
Write Birth Plan
Finalize what essential oils I want to bring
Get down newborn - 0-3 months clothes
Wash gender neutral newborn - 0-3 months clothes
Find pack and play sheets
Wash pack and play sheets
Find bottles
Wash bottles
Find breast pump
Wash breast pump parts
Plan Harper's Birthday Party

Here is to the month of August flying by and our little Linnell 2.0 getting here before we know it!!

For the Love of God, Can We Just Get That Off the Ceiling!!!

Do you ever just stand in the shower and think "Will I ever just have it all together?" I probably have that thought about every couple of months or so. I seem to get in a grove and then all of a sudden I feel like I am back at square one. It is like I am on a roller coaster. The moments like that usually happen when my routine is broken up or things just keep going wrong right after one another (hence the broken ceramic bowl a couple weeks ago). I try not to get to what I call the boiling point. The point where I just can't handle it anymore and I explode. It isn't good and it usually ends up with me either breaking something or me yelling at my family =(

I have come to appreciate the "square one" or the beginning (for the most part). Fresh starts are so "refreshing" in a way. I like being able to start with a clean slate. Each time I end up starting new, I feel slightly better about myself. Weird, huh? I know! It would be nice if I could just keep it together and not get to my boiling point but that just isn't reality. Even when you are on a diet, diets have "cheat days" cuz who can keep it together all the time? Sometimes a "fresh" look at things can be a good thing. I've come up with new ideas or better ways to organize. It has even helped me to get rid of some things. It doesn't have to be bad.

When considering a "fresh" start, do yourself a favor.

1. Make small goals. When I say small, I mean tiny, manageable, no problem getting this goal done type of small goals. 20 minutes a day in a problem area is such a great, small goal. 20 minutes, that is all it takes. Even if you skip a day or two, it is in the forethought of your mind and if you try to stick with it, it will eventually stick.

2. Make lists. Make tons and tons of lists. I have lists everywhere. I mean everywhere. In my phone, in a million notebooks, on a million sheets of paper. I have also put dry erase boards on the wall of every room. For me, if it is not written down, I forget it. End of Story. Do not pass Go and collect $200 because I am not remembering what I wanted to do. Don't worry if you don't cross everything off the list right away or even at all. I have a journal that has about 3 pages worth of a list. Sometimes I cross something off of it, sometimes I don't. Don't harp over the list. Just have a list or two or a hundred. Who cares, just have one. It will serve as a reminder and eventually you will learn how to prioritize and fulfill the things on the lists. But you have to start somewhere.

3. Start somewhere. Anywhere. Don't let yourself sit in a rut of unhappiness or frustration. Don't do it. I know its hard. I have been there several times. Just don't do it. Ask for help, research, read blogs. Do something to help you get started. I am afraid to fail but that doesn't mean I won't try something. I even get upset when I fail but you have to start somewhere and you can't let the failures keep you from trying. I hate the saying "don't be afraid to fail" because being afraid and not doing something are two different things. I am afraid most of the time but I don't let that fear tell me what to do.

4. Take things slow. Realize that you are human and have your limits. Do not push yourself too hard or too fast. You most likely will not be successful and that will just cause you to be more frustrated. Plan, pray about it, write it down, discuss it with someone, or whatever it is that you need to do to make sure that you are taking it slow and making manageable goals. A friend posted a blog post that I found interesting. It was a post about 33 things that the author did everyday. Before I starting reading it, I was like "33 things, that seems easy". I then started reading it and immediately became overwhelmed. The amount (or maybe the extent) of tasks she did just made me feel instantly stressed. As I thought about it, I realized that I probably do more than 33 tasks in one day but to have them all written down like that made it seem so overwhelming. One day I might decide to count how many tasks I do. I am curious to know the number because if it is more than 33 (like I think) then I will know that I am capable of doing 33 tasks in one day. I think I might even start with doing one task per day and start adding tasks as I feel I can achieve them. See...taking things slow.

http://moneysavingmom.com/2015/06/33-things-i-do-almost-every-day-that-make-my-day-so-much-better.html

5. Don't for one minute think that I have it all put together. Come to my house and I will show you how "put together" I am...lol. I haven't been as successful with the 30 day cleaning challenge (at least following what room I had assigned for that day) as I have been with my 30 day oil challenge but I have gotten more cleaned in my house. Most days I have actually probably cleaned more than 20 minutes. I don't call that a failure. I call that progress because I am being intentional with my time and my goals. They just aren't following the exact format I have set in place but something is getting done!

I hope that no one gets to the their boiling point. It is no fun. I hope that I can provide some motivation and encouragement. This is something that I have struggled with what is probably my whole life. I will probably continue to struggle with it but I hope that I am starting to create good, productive habits that will turn into normal, functioning life. Now to go yell at my husband to "For the love of God get whatever that is off the ceiling."

So many shows...so little time

One of what I feel like is only a few things that Eric and I have in common is our love for TV and movies. We might not have the same exact taste when it comes to TV and movies but for the most part we are pretty eye to eye. It is one of the reason why I fell in love with him and I love that we can share this passion together.

This summer we are taking the opportunity to catch on shows we wanted to watch but either got interested in them a few seasons in or didn't have time to watch them during the year. I wanted to watch the CW's Flash when it premiered in the Fall but it had connections to CW's Arrow that I didn't know about. Arrow is one that I was interested in but was currently boycotting because they used a different actor than the one that was in several seasons of the CW's Smallville. I was not a happy camper when I learned that Justin Hartley was not going to be the actor in the "spin-off". I am still bitter about it, in fact. In fact, I think I am refusing to believe that I am actually watching "Arrow" because that is in fact not "Arrow". It is also a "tension" point between Eric and I. He loves the new Arrow better and is glad the old Arrow got replaced (Insert eye roll).

I mean, come on...who can replace him

I think I would have originally liked the new actor that plays Arrow if they didn't have the character on Smallville. You can't change things on me. It's just not cool.

In addition to catching up on the CW's Arrow, I want to catch up on the CW's Flash. We are also hoping to finish the Seinfield series (another one that Eric loves and I just roll my eyes). Independently, I would like to watch the whole series of CBS's Survivor and the Amazing Race (now that is a big feat!!). I also wouldn't mind catching up on CBS's NCIS LA. My question is...do you have any suggestions on shows we should watch while we have the time?? I know there are so many out there and I want to know which ones we are missing out on!